I Love Ogden

Crellim's avatar May 20, 2018

Mt. Ogden stretches toward the sky on the West. I climb the scree field to get to the source of your wonder. The water flows from your peak and over the cliff to claim my heart. The snow mates with the sun on those upper rises to send that vibrant stream down the slopes until it explodes into a waterfall that seeds life into the soil below. Here, I am taken by your power. The feeling rises from the depths of my soul and I moan, oh god, you make me whole!

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Into my heart, your river flows. It races down the canyon, flowing past rock and rubble. The swift cool water centers the deep crevices carved in mountain walls. I jump in the current and become part of the flow. Hug each curve of the river, feel each swirl, get swallowed in each eddy, as the flow paints the bottom edge of the mountains above. Your wet, wild river fertilizes the banks as it races from this canyon into the heart of Ogden.

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To the north sits great Ben, I want to climb your peak and lose myself in your enormous rise that smiles down on Ogden below. Let me caress your curves along the trail and stroke each pass as I climb your mount. The thought of your rugged ways makes me quiver inside. When I summit and reached the climax of your mountain crest, I will embrace you in my nature’s womb.

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My passion for Ogden drives from north to south. Come cruise along the Vard to create our love song. Let me shift your stick and honk your horn. Vroom, Vroom, our engines rev. Don’t drive too fast, we want to make this ride last. Swoop down past the temple that tries to mock our sin. But this town’s wild can’t be reined in. Let’s pull into the Bigelow to grab a room, to know why it pays to live in Ogden.

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The ebb and flow of this city rides along the tracks. Let the steam build as the car rocks along the rails. The cha-tunk, cha-tunk, cha-tunk rhythm drives the beat of my heart. Your flame burning coals get me so hot. My face turns red and beads of sweat form at my crown as the engine builds pressure. You pull into my station. I let go. AAAAAA screams my whistle to signal you came home.

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Let’s walk this night, down the historic steps of 25thstreet. A place where history won’t hide it wild side. Let’s learn from those who’ve wandered these streets before and tumbled on the bedsheets behind the walls of lore. Take me in, you, brothels of the past and saloons of the present. Have your way with me, untame me, set me free, my beautiful Ogden. To you, I’ll always be your whore.

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(images are from postcards and greeting cards of Ogden, Utah)

All about the details

Crellim's avatar March 22, 2018

When my mind is most distracted, I miss the details. I’m in a hurry. I don’t have time to slow down and look closely. I missed the first buds of spring. I didn’t really taste that girl scout cookie when I ate it. I didn’t listen to the rain hitting the windows of my house.

But when I think about it, it is the details that bring clarity and joy to my life. My creativity is dependent on details. I sit down to write a poem about how I’m feeling, and it’s the note of the color, the painting of the mood, the smell of emotions that bring the poem to life. My poetry without the details is cliché. The details of life are what make my creative expression my own.

I’ve been feeling down and disconnected the last few months, and I realize I’ve not been taking time to focus on the details. One of my issues is that I’ve had major sinus problems lately. It’s impacted my hearing, my smell, and given me headaches. Prior to this, smell was a major source of pleasure for me. The dusty smell of the first drops of rain on the dirt, the sticky sweet blast from peeling an orange, the heaven of rich sweet brewed coffee. These are things I’ve been missing. I didn’t even notice I was missing smell until I was sitting in Kaffe Merc, and I realized the fabulous ladies of Lavender Kitchen were baking peanut butter cookies. I had to stop what I was doing and buy a cookie. I sat there and sniffed for 10 minutes before I started eating it. Two days later, my ability to smell was gone again.

However, I realize that I can still smell if I hold something very close to my nose and breathe deep. This takes time though, and I’m typically in too big of hurry to slow down and take a sniff. Yesterday during my Women In Motion class, we were talking about finding the satisfaction in food. Smell is an important part of satisfaction. So is slowing down and enjoying food with all your senses. We talked about how much time we typically take to eat food. Unless, I’m going to a fancy meal where I know I’m supposed to focus on the food, I just eat and I eat distracted. I miss all the details of the food I’m supposed to be enjoying.

But it’s not only food I’m rushing, it’s my everyday life. For my improv rehearsal on Tuesday, we did pantomime. The basics of pantomime is going through the true routines of what action you are acting out. The first task was make a sandwich. It’s the attention to detail that makes the pantomime real. Where’s the silverware drawer, what does the knife feel like in your hand when you take it out, where is the refrigerator, how do you grab each component of the sandwich and lay it out. My countertop would change heights. I stacked the peanut butter on top of the jelly. I forgot to set the jelly jar back down before picking up the bread to spread the peanut butter. I had to really concentrate on the details. But I could sense how oblivious I was when I do the simple task of making the sandwich. I  have no memory of how the knife feels in my hand. What does it weigh? How do Ihold and move it? Without the knife there, it’s a guess at how I would actually make that sandwich. Too get better at improve, I need to slow down and stay mindful of the tasks I’m working on. Form memories of the details so I can bring that with me into the performance.

With being sick lately, I haven’t felt like wandering around or going on adventures. I’m house sitting this week for my friend Nina. Each morning I’ve been taking Tully, her wonderful shepherd mix, out for a walk. On Monday, there was snow covering the trees and branches. The ornamental cherry tree next door had already started to bud and those buds were topped with snow. But it was on this morning’s walk that I realized without taking these walks I would miss watching spring take hold – the trees and bush showing their first signs of growth. How much detail do I miss of each of the seasons if I don’t get out and wander around? And this wandering can’t be rushed or I’ll miss those little signs of change.

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These were reminders that if I’m going to be creative, I’ve got to slow down and pay attention to the details around me. My contentment in this life is dependent on my ability to create. When I’m not creating I feel stagnant. But it is so easy for me to get distracted by the bigger things in life – I’m not feeling well, I’ve got deadlines to meet, or I’m tired and not getting enough sleep. Slowing down helps pull me through these bigger issues, focusing on the details helps me stay in the moment, and from both of these I find contentment and peace in my life. I also find the rich details that form my creative expression.

Dead at Half-Mast

Crellim's avatar March 20, 2018

I’ve been super inspired from the youth in the US being agents in change. It’s so cool to watch them step forward to create the world they want to live in.

Poetry is a weird thing for me. Sometimes, I have to go through a long process to get the poem worked out. Other times, the poems fall right out of my head and I just need to put pen to paper. Shortly after the Parkland shooting, I drove past Ogden High and flag was at half-mast and started to cry. I made it to Kaffe Merc and pulled out my laptop. This poem fell out of my head. It is in honor of those students who are standing up for their rights to go to school without the fear of being shot dead.

Dead at Half-Mast

I drove by Ogden High where the flag is at half mast
It broke my heart and rage rose up from my gut
How can we even fly the flag right now with kids getting killed in the classroom?
It’s a stain on our nation!

Oh, you might say that’s a disrespect to our soldiers.
But isn’t worse that we send out soldiers to protect our nation, but we can’t keep their children safe at home?

I’m tired of the labels – it’s guns, it’s mental illness, it’s lack of respect, it’s lack of discipline of our kids
These labels are symptoms – I’m afraid it is much worse.
Right now our nation is diseased  and that disease is weaponized.
Salve on the wound won’t work.

Time for the dirty work to figure out what the fuck is wrong with us as a nation.
How we get so involved in the blame game.
To avoiding looking deep within the sickly soul of our nation.
The blood is on each of our hands and this game to avoid responsibility isn’t working.
Our children are dying!

No matter what the talking heads say, we can’t make america great again until we stop this bloodshed.
Our society makes it so easy to dehumanize another.
A nation that assigns different lives different values.

Born in a constitution that defined wealthy white male landowners as valuable, and everyone else not.
With each mini-revolution trying to redefine who might also have value
But at out nation’s core is a desire to dehumanize another to establish value
That dehumanization is done through violence.

I’ve seen the question – do guns have more value than our children.
I want to vomit.
But until we face the hard questions
It’s time de-weaponize the disease.

My heart does swell to watch the youth stand up and yell.
They aren’t afraid to fight for change.
Question the adults on how they hide from this disease.
These kids are our future. Let them lead the fight.
So one day they can stand with pride and know they won’t die
Under a flag hung at half-mast at their school

Bringing this Blog Back to Life!

Crellim's avatar March 18, 2018

 

I’ve been away from blogging for a long time, but it’s time for me to be back. I have all these thoughts building pressure in my head. I’ve got to let them out. The blog originally started to follow my road trip across the US and my move back home to Ogden over 3 years. A retooling of the blog was needed to expand the theme and refocus what I plan to write on.

That road trip instilled the love of adventure in me. I believe that adventure is for everyone regardless of age, skill, physical fitness. There is an activity that will bring a thrill and sense of accomplishment that work for each of is. So this blog is my return writing  and sharing my enjoyment of every day adventure. I will share my thoughts, poetry, and photography about life, nature, exploring, adventure, art, and any other ideas that tickle my fancy.

I know these interwebs are a vast vacuum, where we can go to look for community but end up alone. By sharing, I hope to build new connections with other adventurers and encourage everyone to find adventures and challenges that work for them through this blog.

Last year, I started an Instagram account and Facebook page for Adventure.Women. I’ve used the Instagram to start sharing my thoughts on adventure, travel, and nature. I also share other women that I admire and celebrate the journeys they are on. Unfortunately, the Facebook page has taken a backseat to life. I hope to revive it this year, but my current aim is to blog and continue the Instagram account.

I’ve wanted to bring this blog back for a while, but I’ve been hanging out with my old friend, procrastination. It’s time for me to do it, to start writing and sharing. I hope you all will join me on this blogging journey. I’d love to hear your thoughts about life and everyday adventure as well.

Cadillac Ranch

Hiking is for Everyone – Nature will meet you where you are at!

Crellim's avatar June 20, 2017

I grew up in Ogden, Utah and did not understand or value the natural resources that we have here. It was hot and dry. I didn’t like being in the sun and was highly allergic to grass. I would have rather read or watched movies than go on a hike. It wasn’t until I moved to the Bay Area of California and worked the corporate life that I understood how important nature is. The stress from work was making me sick, so I needed to find a release, and I turned to nature.

As an out-of-shape beginner, I was too embarrassed to join any beginning hiking or outdoor groups. When I was huffing and puffing up the hills, I was mortified by my heavy breathing and wanted no one around to hear me. (I still get embarrassed by this today). So I hit the trails alone, starting with short hikes close to where I lived. I felt like I did not belong there. To help with the fraud feeling, I would go buy the proper hiking clothes and shoes from REI. If I dressed the part, maybe I would start to believe I belonged hiking and enjoying the outdoors.

Over time, I got stronger and could hike longer and more difficult trails. However, it took a very long time for me to accept that I belonged in the outdoors, that I was not a fraud in the forest. Part of the problem was that I never saw women in the outdoor industry that looked like me. Hell, I didn’t see a lot of women out in nature that looked like me. Most were super fit, a lot more daring, and definitely a lot faster than I was.

However, like with anything you do repeatedly over time, it started to feel more natural for me to be out on the trails. I’d still get scared walking down steep hills, but I stopped criticizing myself for taking it slow. From hiking, I learned that the outdoors doesn’t care or change for you if you are fast or slow, daring or cautious, it will meet you exactly where you are.

Look at the trees, there are trees of all types – tall and slender trees, short and stubby trees, old trees, young trees. On every hike, there would be so many different trees, and each one was magnificent. Walking with the trees, I would contemplate what it would be like if I was a tree. I’d be an integral part of the forest regardless of how I looked. Over time, this helped me to accept myself as I was.

When I moved back to Ogden, I was a new person and could now see how much I had been missing. I barely paid any attention to the mountains that rose up in front up of my house as a child. Now, I look out and I’m in awe of the beauty I’m surrounded by. It was time to look at my hometown with new eyes; the eyes of an outdoor adventurer.

When I got back to Ogden, I felt like I was starting over again both mentally and physically. I had been sick during my last years in California, which impacted my fitness and hiking ability. One of the reasons for me to return home was I needed a change that would allow my body de-stress and heal. So I was not a strong hiker when I returned home. Plus, with the differences in altitude and terrain, hiking in Ogden was very different from that in California. I was a beginner again. Thank goodness, Ogden is the perfect place for a beginner to start exploring the outdoors!

Ogden has all levels of trails to explore. The Ogden River Parkway and the Weber River Parkway are fantastic beginner trails. Mostly flat, paved trails that take you through lush river flora. Baby carriages, wheelchairs, walkers, runners, bikers, and skaters can all use these trails to explore the rivers.

Do you need any special gear to explore these parkways? No! Absolutely not. Lace up a comfy pair of shoes and walk as far as you want. Need to take a rest? There are lovely benches along the river for you to sit and watch the water rush by. Plus, if you’re like me, a stop a Slackwater Pizzeria is a great way to wrap up a walk along the Ogden Parkway.

There are also great beginner dirt trails around Ogden. The 9th Street trailhead is one of my favorites. From here, there are a couple of options – the canal road or the Bonneville Shoreline trail. The canal road is relatively flat. It’s wide and not very rocky, which makes it easy walking. The road heads north and gives great vistas of Ogden down below. If you are feeling more adventurous and want to add some hills, the Bonneville Shoreline Trail is a great option from this trailhead. It is a narrow single-track trail that heads up the mountain quickly, but levels out about a half mile up.

Another favorite beginner trail of mine is the Gibbs Loop starting at the 27th trailhead. This trail does have some hills, but the trail is wide and the dirt is packed. It heads south from the trailhead and wonders east above Mount Ogden Golf course. There are many tree-lined sections to give shade during the heat and wild flowers to brighten up the walk. I usually head to Strong’s Canyon and relax on the bench to enjoy the sound of the stream rushing down the canyon. The 27th trailhead does offer other more advanced trails as well. Hike uphill to the Bonneville Shoreline trail to access Waterfall Canyon, Taylor’s Canyon, and Malan’s Peak.

I also love the short trail at the Ogden Nature Center – North Reserve. This trail is located at 1176 N. Mountain Road. There are fantastic tree tunnels along this trail and a marshland to see birds and other wildlife. The path is packed and well maintained.

These are still my go to hikes as I get started hiking each season. I get the same benefits of being in nature on these trails as I do if I push hard on a more advanced hike. Plus, these trails help me grow stronger and get ready to move on to the more advanced hikes. These hikes don’t require any special equipment or clothing. I go out in whatever I’m wearing for the day, a comfy pair of sneakers, and I bring a water bottle.

Finally, one of my favorite resources for local Ogden hikes is the “Outings Guide: Ogden Area” from the Sierra Club. This book is available at Booked on 25th and lists all of the local Ogden hikes including important information such as mileage and elevation change.

It’s time for me to get back out on the trails. I’m glad I no longer feel like a fraud out there on the trails either. Nature is for all of us regardless of ability. It’s waiting for each of us to come explore and see what there is to learn from walking the trails. If you are ready to become an outdoor enthusiast and go on a nature adventure, Ogden is the perfect place to start. I hope to see you on the trails!

Christina Miller is a writer, poet, and photographer celebrating all things outdoors! This blog is also published at Indie Ogden.

Too Cool. Toxic

Crellim's avatar April 27, 2017

I was too cool. No, not cool at all, but I really wanted to be. Tried to be cool by liking only the right things.

The books I read, the movies I watched, and the music I listened to were to prove my cool. Always worried about what everyone else thought. Wanting, needing to make an impression.

So many things I missed or ignored because I was afraid. It wasn’t until years later that I realized being cool didn’t matter. Embrace what I like and nothing else mattered.

It’s not possible to buy cool with cultural consumption. I tried too hard, I wanted to impress with social cache, and far from being true to myself. The perfect equation for uncool.

I was too hep for Brittney Spears. Couldn’t be bothered with what mass culture served. I ripped on Brittney to make myself look good. Asked my younger roommates how they could listen to such crap.

That damn Toxic song always got under my skin. I’d hear it stores and the words would whisper within. Never could admit I liked the song.

Several years later sitting at the counter of a coffee shop, my friend makes fun of another for not liking the Beatles. He didn’t care. He liked what he liked, and I thought how cool.

I’m gonna like what I like. It’s time to not care, stop trying to be cool, and be what I am as I rock out to Toxic from the top of my lungs.

Poem in your pocket day!

Crellim's avatar April 27, 2017

I heard from Leonides that today is Pome in your pocket day. Here’s what I’m carrying around with me:

In the flash of a moment, I caught a glimpse of the inner workings of your soul. Something you’ve tried to keep hidden, a part that you aren’t ready to show. It’s the light that seeps out through the cracks when life breaks your heart.

Own who I am

Crellim's avatar April 15, 2017

This pen pulls tears straight from my heart. Only vulnerable with words on paper. The verse says poems don’t heal. I retreat. A war waged between the hater in my head and the creator in my heart. Line my soul with armor, a safe space to accept me from within. Own who I am.

Ogden Half from Hell

Crellim's avatar May 23, 2016

I have spent the last 17 weeks training for my first half marathon with a wonderful group of women – Women in Motion. The training was tough and I knew the half was going to be one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. But I was ready!

However, my half marathon did not go as expected. There was a 30% chance of rain, but no reports of a major storm in the weather report. I had a cheap plastic poncho a warm layer thinking that would be good enough.

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However, the marathon goes down a beautiful canyon and the storm funneled right up that canyon, so when I made the turn to head to the causeway and then go down the canyon, the storm exploded out of the canyon.
My friend and I, Nina, fought for 2 miles through 50+ mph winds and rain and hail. We couldn’t see where we were walking and there were boulders in the road that the wind had brought down from the mountain. I kept wondering if this was my forest gump storm moment. But we kept pushing through hoping that once we got in the canyon it would get better.
We made it into the canyon and the storm raged on :(. By this time, my legs were burning from the icy rain hitting them, my face was puffy from the rain, and my shoes were holding 5 lbs of water each. I thought even if the storm subsides, I’m not going to have any skin left on my feet if I do the walk. I thought about having my dad bringing me new shoes and socks at the other end of the canyon, but that was 5 miles away still. So finally, I decide for my own health and safety it was time to call it quits. I told the sheriff behind us that we had to stop, and he said he call for a shuttle for us.
My friend and I went to grab shelter under a deck at a conference center in the canyon. We we got there, we found a 73 women that we had seen earlier going into severe hypothermia shock. I gave her my poncho to wrap around her legs to try to get her warm. Then the elite marathon runners started to go by. And we had one make it over to us and start to collapse, I gave him my emergency blanket. He kept trying to pass out. I ran out to the sheriff and said we have a medical emergency and we need help. He said he see what he could do and would be back. I asked if he had any blankets and the answer was no. And he left. Then we had another marathoner come to us colapsing with hypothermia, my friend and I pulled out our extra ponchos to wrap around him. I took of my soaked coat, which was fleece so it was warm and wrapped it around him. I felt completely helpless trying to get these three who were shivering and trying to pass out warm and from getting worse. I told them to curl up and get their blood to the core. Finally, we found a door open in a back room of this conference room. We carried the one runner who could no longer walk back into the room and got the woman back there. The room was a storage room so there was only room for the worst off back there.
I was about to go run to the medic tent about half mile away to try to get help, but final about 15 minutes later the sheriff finally pulled his head out of his butt and came back and loaded up the woman, the first runner, and another older gentleman, and took them to the medic tent. The ambulance had been called but had to come from the bottom of the canyon. Now I got to hide with the marathon runner that was going bad into shock and had my coat and my friend who now was also going into hypothermia. I had to help her pull her arms out of her clothes to wrap against her body and put under her arm pits. Another sheriff came back and got them into his warm truck and then told the rest of us to walk back to medic tent. I have no coat or poncho at this point because I gave to those who needed it more. Luckily my friend said she was not going without me, so the sheriff let me into the truck.
So I was taken by the sheriff to the next medic tent where I could get a few emergency blankets. Then my friend who would get on an ambulance or see the medic because she was irrational with hypothermia and I loaded on a bus. It had the heat on but it wasn’t enough and we had to sit on it for an hour before they finally drove us back to the finish line. My friend was right next to the heat, so she did warm up and come out of hypothermic shock.
When we made it back to the finish line and got off the bus, the wind was still blowing. I couldn’t keep my emergency blankets around me in the wind. I was just trying to walk over to where my parents were with a warm blanket and dry clothes, but the marathon finish had the road block and I couldn’t get to them. That was my last straw and all my adrenaline was gone, so I slip into hypothermic shock and start shaking uncontrollably and can barely walk. My friend is now pushing me to keep moving to get to a hotel where I can get warm. Luckily we run into another friend who has an extra blanket which they wrap around me and saves me from getting worse. She didn’t need that blanket and just had a feeling that she should bring it. And that blanket totally saved me.
So I did not finish, but I had one of the wildest, scariest adventures of my life. However, I claim that I won in one way that no other racer can claim. I am the breaking and entering champion of 2016! My friend Nina who was racing with me, made me a medal for it. This by far is one of the most special awards I have ever received and I could barely keep from crying when she gave it to me. I was disappointed about not finishing, but now I have to think that maybe God had a different purpose for me that day. So I’m happy with the result. Next weekend I am planning to do a Christina Half Marathon and inviting all my friends to walk with me and celebrate at the end.
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